You just finished your parent-teacher conference and what you have been avoiding all along is in your face…those little quirks or challenging behaviors you have been seeing at home are now showing up at school and impacting their success in the classroom. The teacher is suggesting you look into testing for your child to determine if there is something underlying, like neurodivergence. Before we jump into any problem solving, I want you to take a moment to FEEL . Feel all the feelings, say all the things you are thinking and are too scared to admit, grieve the perfect life you thought you would have as a parent. A diagnosis doesn’t have to be the end of the world, but it also isn’t something we think about when looking at that little newborn baby and picturing their potential. Anything unfamiliar and different to our beliefs and dreams is interpreted as DANGER in our bodies…a threat to our nervous system. It makes sense that you feel that initial anxiety and dread. You are not a bad parent for feeling that way. In fact, when we let ourselves feel those feelings, both in our minds AND our bodies, and accept them without judgment, we actually can release them. We move through them like a contraction, leaning into the discomfort, coming out on the other side more free and closer to our goals. Take your time here, and don’t try to rush it. All right, now that we have given ourselves a chance to feel and accept, it’s time to get down to business! It can feel very overwhelming to know what to do next. I am here to help guide you through those next steps of seeking a diagnosis, giving you options so you can take control of advocating for your child. 1. What is my first step? Who can even provide a diagnosis? Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), all public schools must evaluate students suspected of having a disability, including neurodiversity, to determine if they need special education services. These assessments will be different based on the needs of each student, so it is not one size fits all. In my experience, it is hard to receive an official diagnosis from the school system, however it is possible. You can request an assessment from your local school system's screening committee, and they will start the process to see if you are eligible. If you decide to use a private option, the first place to inquire about this is your pediatrician. If your provider has a care coordinator, ask to speak to them first as they will help guide you to the correct physician or referral based on your needs. Many pediatricians will test for and diagnose ADHD in house so ask your pediatrician if they provide this service. If your pediatrician does not conduct testing in house, your next options are a private psychologist, a developmental pediatrician, or a psychiatrist. All of them can perform testing and provide a diagnosis. However, if you decide on medication as a treatment option after the diagnosis, most psychologists cannot prescribe and provide medication management. Developmental pediatricians, psychiatrists, and pediatricians can provide this service. A full ADHD assessment by a private provider can be pricy. If you have insurance, you will want to find an in-network provider to keep costs reasonable. If possible, timing your assessment closer to the end of the year will help if you have a deductible, as you may pay less out of pocket. 2. My testing appointment is scheduled, now what? Typically testing is held for several hours over one to three sessions, depending on the age of your child. Before you get to your appointment, you will have to complete all the associated forms, which may include parent forms, teacher forms, and insurance pre-authorization forms. Before the testing, prepare your child by talking about what will happen and what is expected of them at the appointment. Each provider has a different method and battery of tests, but typically, here are the type of activities that may be performed. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list. The provider will ask your child questions and observe behaviors Problem solving activities, such as puzzles, building, or worksheets Memory activities, such as repeating back sequences of numbers or letters Patter recognition activities Language and vocabulary comprehension activities 3. The testing is complete. What are my next steps? After you have completed all testing, your provider will analyze the results and provide a final report, which they will review with you at your final appointment. This report will include all testing results, an interpretation of these results, any associated diagnoses based on the results, and a list of recommendations for treatment and next steps. The recommendations and next steps will outline any recommended therapy, educational resources, parenting guidelines, and lifestyle changes that can help in the management of your child’s neurodivergence. I suggest you choose one of the options, and start there. If you try to change too much all at once, it may be overwhelming for you and your child. Start small and remain curious and open to trying new methods if one doesn't work. Seeking a diagnosis for your child can feel overwhelming, both emotionally and practically as you struggle to figure out the steps to take. If you want support while you walk through these steps, schedule a call with me. I walk you through the process and answer questions you may have. Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified healthcare provider. Always consult your physician regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your mental or physical health.

Tantrums and Meltdowns are a normal part of childhood — they're a way for our kids to express big emotions they might not yet know how to manage. This is especially true if you have a highly sensitive or neurodivergent child who struggles with emotional regulation. Instead of seeing tantrums as bad behavior, let's view them as opportunities to teach, connect, and understand our children better. With three sensory sensitive, high-energy boys and a neurodivergent parent, our house is full of emotional explosions and reactions. It is so hard to keep my cool as a parent when the whole house is in chaos. However, I know how I model behaviors in these situations is way more important than what I say. I have so many examples of doing the WRONG thing when my kids lose their cool, but sometimes I get it RIGHT ! Here is what I did the last time my kids had a meltdown. These 5 steps brought calm back to our home, taught necessary skills, and set us up for a quicker bounce back next time. My 6 year old struggles with perfectionism and handling frustration so when he was building a huge tower of cups, I was just waiting for the inevitable tumble and subsequent meltdown. Not a minute later, the rainbow colored cup tower started crumbling before my eyes. My son immediately went into fight mode and began throwing the hard plastic cups everywhere…at me, at his brothers, at the walls. My body went into fight mode as well, and my first instinct was to come in hot, yell STOP at the top of my lungs, rip the cups out of his hands, make him clean them up immediately, and force him to apologize to everyone he hurt. I knew from experience that this would just escalate the situation, causing a back and forth between my son and I where whoever got the loudest and most aggressive would dominate. Instead, I chose a different path, and here is exactly what I did: 1. Stayed Calm Everything in my body wanted to yell and stop the behavior with a threat. Instead I took one second to ground my body and come to him with a calm presence. This has taken years of learning my triggers and finding ways to choose peace in spite of them. I told myself we can handle the consequences later. We first need regulation. 2. Co-regulated Now that I am calm, how do I share this calm with my child? Practice and curiosity BEFORE the chaos has shown me that swinging, deep pressure, and low lights bring calm to my son. In that moment, he could not access those tools, so I calmly but firmly moved him towards our sensory swing in the dark basement. Less talk works best here. This is not the time to teach a lesson. 3. Explored Feelings and Needs: Once your child is calm, you can ask what they were feeling before the explosion happened and get curious with them about the underlying need behind that feeling. He was feeling frustrated that his tower fell because he needed to feel competent. Naming these feelings and needs is a first step in communicating them in a healthy way instead of reacting to them. This also helps your child feel seen, heard, and valued. 4. Repaired with Play/Connection: There are natural and logical consequences to our actions. If your kid makes a mess by throwing, the consequence can be cleaning it up and removing access to that toy or item for a period of time. If they harm their siblings, there is a consequence of a disconnect in that relationship. The repair step is an essential part of the learning process , but it doesn’t have to include shame or harshness. Incorporate play and connection. In this situation, I gave my son a goal of collecting the red cups first, then the green cups, and so on. We accomplished the goal of cleaning without a power struggle. He also apologized to his brothers and me without my prompting due to modeling the ability to own up to mistakes as a value in our home. 5. Finished with Skill Building: After we were calm, I talked to my son about why he threw the cups, the impact of doing that, and what choice we could make next time. We brainstormed solutions together and decided what tools to use next time things don’t go as planned. We made a visual with tools to use next time he is feeling frustrated. We practiced these tools, so it is easier for his brain and body to remember to do them next time. This is a step that can happen immediately or at a later time, but do not skip this one! Our kids want to do well! They want to maintain connections and feel good about how they interact with the world around them. They don’t always have the tools to do this, and this is one of our main jobs as a parent! We are teaching our children how to be good citizens and community members through their interactions in our home. Reflect on a tantrum or meltdown that happened in your home and go through the 5 steps. Plan out how you would approach each step and practice with your child. Just like with any new skills, we have to plan and practice to get better at it! If you don’t know where to start, I’d love to help! I can walk through different parenting scenarios and support you in planning an approach that will work for your family. Schedule a call with me!